Have you ever had one of those days where it feels like a weird confluence of events is trying to smack you across the face? Today sort of feels like one of those days to me. I woke up feeling spectacularly unmotivated, watched a Youtube video about finding and living out your truth. Per usual, I scoffed, nodding thoughtfully and then had a five minute pause for reflection for the video before going on with my day.
Of course we should all be living our truth. We should all be doing what makes us happy inside, and dismiss everyone else’s opinions. But… that’s easier said than done – and in all honesty, these kind of deep thoughts are not a great match for an uncaffeinated Monday morning.
One tea later, I started going about my usual tasks when I decided to listen to the podcast Magic Lessons while on the go. It’s hosted by Elizabeth Gilbert, the author who wrote Big Magic. There is some memory of that book floating around in my head, so I decided to give it a shot. Again – there was that phrase “live your truth.” Of course in this case, they were talking about living your truth by expressing your creativity. She kept saying this thing… “write the book you must write.”
As a writer, I was struck by this. I love writing, whether it’s academic texts, fictional books that I can’t seem to get off the ground, blog posts about life, and erotica that I share with no one. One of the big writing block issues that I often come across is not really knowing where to start. I want to write a book, but there’s no story inside me that I feel “needs” to be told.
So instead of leaping on a horse and crying out Hyah before flying into the distance with no plan, I think I’m going to instead try and start here. It’s frightening to do things, to start creative projects. Making a thing means that someone else can judge it and opening yourself up to that kind of criticism is scary. Trust me, I know.
Fear shouldn’t be the reason that we act, and if making things through words is a part of how I define myself then I can’t let fear get in the way of that. This isn’t to say that this blog will drastically change. However, I’m going to try and write more of the things that I must write, rather than the easy things that make me comfortable.
Positively Gabriella has become a safe space, someplace where I can have two or three posts a week about something vanilla. I want it to be someplace where I can also challenge myself. What will that mean? More creative pursuits and more thoughtful provoking writing if I can manage it. Writing is a part of myself that I treasure very deeply. Words are a beautiful thing and I want to use them to live my truth, whatever that means.